Huang Yanting

Reflections on working at Brentwood

2011-08-12T21:48:00.002+08:00

Wow. I look back at the person I was before I began my placement and at the person I have become now, and I am pretty astonished.

I have learnt so much about myself, and of the environment that I am in. How I react to things; my strengths and Achilles heel(s).

Most importantly, I have come to really love and appreciate who I am.

I think people forget sometimes how lucky they are to have people willing to listen, willing to care.

I know before I came to Brentwood, I didn't know that the notion of having an environment where everyone was accepted was even possible.

I know that it's a tough act to balance, and it takes lots of tactful maneuvering so that all parties feel that they were heard and understood. But the fact that someone knows how important it is for us to recognise that we are human, above all else, and that we are allowed to fall sometimes, has a undeniable effect on everyone around us.

Placement students at Brentwood contribute in a significant way that we aren't even aware of. We are the troops that run the ground level work, and we are the manpower that staff aren't able to provide because there just isn't enough of them to go around. And that is why even if we are doing this for placement, it is essential that we treat it responsibly. Because even though we don't know it, there are people who have come to develop a closeness and are depending on us. Not individually per say, but as a whole, that is the role we play in the grand scheme of things.

Staff at Brentwood are to be applauded. It does not matter whether people think their actions are lacking or whether they treat them with reverence. I think people always have a different perception of what is fair, and how much praise is fair. Sometimes, people trip up and say things they would not necessarily say or do because they perceive that there is a over/under-compensation on one side of the scale, and they try to balance it out. But regardless of everything, I think the staff should be applauded because so many of them genuinely care. Some might care because of personal reasons or motivations, but because of their actions, they open the doors for students to come to them. And that is the real important thing.

The way I see it, many people forget to be human in their jobs. Because not many environments encourage you to be human. Because being human = Making mistakes. And in businesses and many companies, you can't afford to make mistakes. But here at Brentwood, there is a culture of having no judgment, which allows people that space to breathe and pick themselves up from a fall. Because we realise that humans aren't robots. If teaching / running a school / working in Wellbeing is something that is cut and dried (EG: no mistakes can be made), then why does any school need us?

About myself. I think I have grown to see something a little more clearer than I have last week.

I was beating myself up for not being able to be there for some of the students who are in conflict with each other.

Yet my heart felt at peace now because I have realised a couple of things:

1 - A couple of students that I see have made fantastic improvements in their lives. They are leading their idea of normality; peaceful and stable lives that don't need (or want) any additional drama. Things are peaceful, calm and I don't think we could ask for any better. So this is my reason for celebration.

2 - Drama is always going to happen. Drama happens because it starts somewhere, and it gets displaced into people around that person who it happens to, and we can try ways and means to control a tempest but a tempest is a tempest and we are just cows that dot the landscape. So although it is true that we have taken on responsibility to ensure we have done all we can, the point I think I have taken away with me is: How much is all we can? If you have done all you can in a tough situation, I think you should give yourself a pat on the back. Come hell or high water, you have no regrets. And even if death comes as a result, that is really what we call life. Can't experience it if you don't live through the near-deaths.

So yeah. I have been very lucky to have been placed in this place, at this time. My learning curve was turbulent, and things were not always clear. But the sun rises without fail, at the end of the rain. Sounds cheesy, but true. And we appreciate things all the better for it.

Alva (the romantic as always)

2011-07-14T04:38:00.002+08:00

I guess everyone is motivated by their wants and needs huh.

Some people want to be seen as special; some want to fit in and be seen as normal. Some people want to chase after dreams that are important to them, some people let their dream of security and safety override their dream of achieving something personal.

I guess the question we constantly ask ourselves is, "what do I want?"

But to put it more accurately, we could ask, "what do I think I want at this point in time?"

Dreams change, people change, circumstances change. That's why life is such an amazingly interesting experience. If we were all blank slates with no opinion, no character, where's the humanity in that?

And although I know dreams can something seem hard to achieve, but the one lesson I have taken away from being at Brentwood secondary college is that nothing is impossible; you only need that one person who is willing to be part of your team. We humans are built to be with other people. We work together, play together, share our laughter and tears and memories with each other. Every bit of us (the parts we're proud of and the bits we're ashamed to bring out into the sun), every bit is precious and makes us who we are. And who we are is interesting. It's how we fill the fabric of our lives as well as the lives of everyone around us.

Every decision we make can make a huge impact on the lives of other people. So don't ever underestimate your own importance.

Finally, I'd like to share a thought that came through just now. Well I just lost it, so I guess the moral of the story is Not To Sleep Late. .)

Gd night everyone! (hope i made sense)

这是对自己的一种考验

2010-12-21T19:24:00.003+08:00

我常常会沉溺在一样事情或东西里头，一下定决心就奉陪到底。我一直认为这是一种优点，但也是让我有着一副横冲直撞德行的弱点。以为自己说了就算；以为自己很有骨气。喜欢一样东西就洴了命的去拥有或完成。甚至连吃饭也是这样的道理。一碗白粥加乳蛋就能让我每餐午饭都点一样的东西，这样吃上整整一年的时间。

但我也明白我的热情是很肤浅的。可能是从小就必须得到别人的肯定，才做出来的一出戏吧。我其实没有一般人对待任何事情的执著，甚至连家庭或嗜好都无法坚持。一直以来，我都是为了能让我身边的人开心才做任何事。经过这几天，平时在我身边的亲朋好友都离开，我才真正的体会自己一个人是会过着怎么样的生活。没有别人，我似乎失去了对人生的魄力和目标。没有朋友拉我陪他们去吃饭，我就连吃一餐饭都没有兴趣。可能被认为是懒散的行为，不过我觉得这似乎是一种生活处事的习惯。它是让我见证到我是多么不爱惜自己，多么不看重自己的存在的人。

另外，我还是一个矛盾，所以到最后什么也做不好。像是我想学吉他和日语，又像找工作。想一想那天一个朋友告诉我他对于休闲时所做的事，我才领会到别人怎么可以做诗作的那么好。他说，自己喜欢画画，也学过钢琴。不过他放弃了钢琴，因为在画图时他能自由创作。他能画出世界上没看过的图。虽然不能画得很快，可是自己慢慢经营的画出一张图能带给他满足感。而我这才领悟到，自己的野心太强，什么都想参与，弄得自己一团糟。

我必须学会在适当的时候坚决的说不，不能扭扭捏捏的。这是一种对别人最没有帮助的行为。灵感不是从天而降，而是要在不同的风风雨雨之中打平出来的结果。这样我才能让自己尊重自己。坚持把事情完成才不会有遗憾啊!

Queen Alva says.

2010-11-25T00:05:00.003+08:00

Oopsie daisie...

Today was Chadstone's VIP sale day. It was 20% off most of the stores, including our favourite Forever New, Sportsgirl, Novo, Bardot, Dotti etc. Guess who's crying now. (points subtly at my daddy, except what he doesn't know won't hurt him hehe.)

That aside, the past few days have been rather uneventful in the conventional sense. Other than the constant foreboding sense of people leaving (Tina, Jonsern, Shimpei, Jessica, with Andy and Andrew next-in-line), I have also been given the green light by Daddy dearest to get a vroom vroom for next year so I can get to my placement without having to take 2 hours by public transport. (yay to no horrid motion sickness and back pain from long bus trips)

Gonna go to the dealers tomorrow to look at stuff. Any advice on how to decide on a car would be appreciated!

I also saw that my favourite place of all time, ACMI, is bringing in Disney as their next exhibition to replace Tim Burton. HOW EXCITING IS THAT! Check out more information at this link - http://www.acmi.net.au/dreamscometrue.aspx

My plans for the next few weeks are going to revolve around the concert that is happening on 5th December. It is an annual concert held by Toe Knee Promotions, a dance school that also provides dance classes for kids with disabilities. Since I'm currently assisting my dance instructor with teaching the children the dances, I'll be busy till 5th December. Hopefully after that I'll still be able to earn some cash from some other places.

In the meantime, exciting things are happening to my dance friends from Monash! They are planning to head to Sydney to take part in the auditions organised by JYP, the company that manages Korean idol groups Wonder Girls and SHINee. Not exactly sure what's happening but I'm looking forward to being friends to stars! :)

Hopefully I'll survive when everyone leaves. Don't go!

Love,
Alva

Funny links:

Want more similar ones? Let me know and I'll post it up in the next post. :)

Luxurious

2010-10-24T13:05:00.002+08:00

Hey guys!

Was obviously supposed to be doing my assignment, but got sidetracked listening to Big Bang's music... :) Decided to do a little research on member T.O.P, and saw that his favourite song was The Notorious B.I.G. - Big Poppa.

Don't you think this song sounds really familiar?

I decided to google whether Luxurious by Gwen Stefani was inspired by any other song, and this result came up.

"Luxurious was sampled by Isley Brothers - Between The Sheets"

I guess if we made the effort, we'll realise how recycled the music we listen to is.

Love,
Alva

叶子

2010-10-13T16:33:00.002+08:00

This song has been around for a very long time, but I only heard it properly for the first time today.

The song is really poignant and moving, I cried while watching the MTV in the school library today.

歌曲：叶子
歌手：阿桑

叶子是不会飞翔的翅膀
翅膀是落在天上的叶子
天堂原来应该不是妄想
只是我早已经遗忘
当初怎麽开始飞翔
孤单是一个人的狂欢
狂欢是一群人的孤单
爱情原来的开始是陪伴
但我也渐渐地遗忘
当时是怎样有人陪伴
我一个人吃饭旅行到处走走停停
也一个人看书写信自己对话谈心
只是心又飘到了哪里
就连自己看也看不清
我想我不仅仅是失去你
我一个人吃饭旅行到处走走停停
也一个人看书写信自己对话谈心
只是心又飘到了哪里
就连自己看也看不清
我想我不仅仅是失去你
孤单是一个人的狂欢
狂欢是一群人的孤单
爱情原来的开始是陪伴
但我也渐渐地遗忘
当时是怎样有人陪伴
我一个人吃饭旅行到处走走停停
也一个人看书写信自己对话谈心
只是心又飘到了哪里
叶子是不会飞翔的翅膀
翅膀是落在天上的叶子
就连自己看也看不清
我想我不仅仅是失去你
我一个人吃饭旅行(到处)走走停停
也一个人看书写信自己对话谈心
只是心又飘到了哪里
就连自己看也看不清
我想我不仅仅是失去你

the power of determination

2010-09-23T22:33:00.002+08:00

Heard of having Bloody Nipples after running? Neither did I, until today. :)

Just watched an inspiring video of a guy who lost a lot of weight since he started an exercise regime in 2009. Amazing how much he had lost, and the determination and courage it took to take the first step to run.

He got bloody nipples from running a marathon, and this was explained by About.com as a circumstance when the nipples get chaffed due to friction of rubbing against the shirt. Thus it is only guys who usually get this as females are wearing their sports bra.

In case you're interested in watching the video, here's the link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8SbXgQqbOoU&feature=player_embedded

Alright, only 20 hours more to Performance-time!

Love,
Alva

exciting days!

2010-09-22T23:46:00.002+08:00

Today was a pretty exciting day!

Went to buy Jonsern's birthday cake at 11am this morning at Clayton, and then did my brows at Clayton Salon. Went to the library to finish up articles for Lot's Wife, met my client for my next assignment, went for dance class at 4pm, normal class at 5pm, tumbling at Donvale at 8pm. Got home at 11pm and am totally ready to crash.

Btw, Alvin De Castro (I attended his class once haha) and his crew were dancers for this MTV, so thought I'd share it... :) Spread the love!

Gonna have our girls hip hop performance this Friday in the city at 7pm... Fingers crossed we nail it!

Love,
Alva

acoustic nights alone

2010-09-18T01:02:00.002+08:00

This song (and this artiste) is so awesome!

Skip to 1:00, the event she's talking about is over.

Enjoy!

Love,
Alva

September begins

2010-09-05T23:46:00.003+08:00

Currently watching a new korean drama Coffee House. :)

Loving the actors and actresses. Kang Ji Hwan is the lead actor, the guy who acted as Hong Gil Dong. He plays an eccentric writer who employed a innocent and silly secretary, and how she tries to accommodate his weirdness. The reason it makes me amused is due to its sense of humor and the plain ridiculous-ness of the plot. I guess I'm just easily amused. ^^

Looking forward to watching Playful Kiss, korean version of Itarazu no Kissu soon. Kim Hyun Joong's in it! Should be pretty awesome. Although it'll be hard to tell how good this version will be, especially since most of us have seen the taiwan version (E Zuo Ju Zhi Wen) and the japanese version (itarazu no kissu).

Gonna have to start working on that assignment soon. It's killing me! Everyone's falling sick and places are flooding in parts of Melbourne too. Please take care of yourselves everyone!

Love,
Yanz

lalalala~

2010-08-25T12:44:00.001+08:00

Loving the song! (Feels like Christmas in July)

Love，
Yanz

Missy!

2010-08-21T00:07:00.003+08:00

I remember the last time I was at the airport with Ching Yee and Jonsern, waiting to board the flight, and I showed them this article that Jeremy tagged me in. It's called, "Missing Missy". Thought I'd share it here with everyone because it's just too funny not to.

GO TO THIS LINK!: http://buttonz75.wordpress.com/2010/06/30/why-never-to-ask-favours-from-the-designers/

Think I'm tired from losing too much blood. It's been 5 weeks already and still going strong. Bah.

Love,
Alva

こころのなか泣いています。「ホントウにだいじょうぶかなァー」とおもって。

shoe fetish

2010-08-17T23:27:00.004+08:00

Shopping time!

It's that time of the month again... When you (and everyone else around you) are so tired of being swamped with work and studies that we just need one thing: RETAIL THERAPY!

Just met Tonia and her friends Yen and Tam for coffee and cake today... Had so much fun! Missed the lovely girl times all girls like to have. And thanks to them, I went to browse through the Charles and Keith catalogue that Tam was raving about... And I saw a couple of things that I reaaallyy feel like getting.

Cuz I need flats. (http://www.charleskeith.com/shop/productinfo/CK1-70300065/hwindex.htm#)

And...

Cuz I don't have any white heels at all. (http://www.charleskeith.com/shop/productinfo/SL1-60390029/hwindex.htm#)

Also went with Jessie on Monday to Chadstone... :) We were shopping for her ball on Thursday, and we saw so many pretty dresses!! Although a lot of them weren't too cheap, we found this awesome store called Christopher Ari which had quite a number of pretty dresses for very reasonable prices, and the best thing was that they actually allowed Jessie to show off her assets without having them spill out! So that was quite a find for her, and she absolutely went crazy haha. I tell you, the dress that I'm going to get for her tomorrow is absolutely hot stuff; glad she decided to get it despite walking away from it in the first place.

Skipped class today as well! All thanks to Leon and Achala, the two instigators in our group... :) But we actually managed to more or less finish the skeleton of our presentation, and hopefully by the time class ends tomorrow we'd have gotten everything under our belt. Then we can dust our hands and enjoy the weekend!

Alright, before I get ahead of myself I'd better start completing my other tasks on hand. Wish me luck!

Love,
Alva

PS: I also hope that Tina, Marlon, Nic, Yvonne and everyone's presentation goes well tomorrow!!

love the way you lyre

2010-08-15T19:23:00.003+08:00

Just wanted to share my thoughts on the song "Love the way you lie" by Eminem Ft. Rihanna.

For those who haven't really listened closely to the song, keep a ear out for the lyrics the next time you hear it.

I hadn't seen the mtv before today, and I've always heard the song being played on air and liked it 'cuz it was catchy. It wasn't until I heard the last verse where Eminem rapped the extra line 'I'ma tie her to the bed and set this house on fire' that the song suddenly made sense. And it gave the song a whole new dimension just knowing the amount of truth that goes into the composition of it.

Respect.

Love,
Alva

[Chorus - Rihanna]
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
Well that's all right because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
Well that's all right because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

[Eminem - Verse 1]
I can't tell you what it really is, I can only tell you what it feels like
And right now it's a steel knife in my windpipe
I can't breathe but I still fight while I can fight
As long as the wrong feels right it's like I'm in flight
High off her love, drunk from my hate, it's like I'm huffin' paint
And I love it the more I suffer, I suffocate
And right before I'm about to drown, she resuscitates me, she f**kin' hates me
And I love it, "wait, where you goin'?"
"I'm leavin' you," "no you ain't come back"
We're runnin' right back, here we go again
So insane, cause when it's goin' good it's goin' great
I'm superman with the wind in his back, she's Lois Lane
But when it's bad it's awful, I feel so ashamed I snap
Whose that dude? I don't even know his name
I laid hands on her
I never stoop so low again
I guess I don't know my own strength

[Chorus]

[Eminem - Verse 2]
You ever love somebody so much you can barely breathe
When you with em you meet and neither one of you even know what hit em
Got that warm fuzzy feeling
Yeah them chills used to get em
Now you're getting f**kin' sick of lookin' at em
You swore you'd never hit em, never do nothin' to hurt em
Now you're in each other's face spewin' venom in your words when you spit em
You push pull each other's hair
Scratch claw hit em throw em down pin em
So lost in the moments when you're in em
It's the face that's the culprit, controls you both
So they say it's best to go your seperate ways
Guess that they don't know ya
Cause today that was yesterday
Yesterday is over, it's a different day
Sound like broken records playin' over
But you promised her next time you'll show restraint
You don't get another chance
Life is no nintendo game, but you lied again
Now you get to watch her leave out the window
Guess that's why they call it window pane

[Chorus]

[Eminem - Verse 3]
Now I know we said things, did things, that we didn't mean
And we fall back into the same patterns, same routine
But your temper's just as bad as mine is, you're the same as me
When it comes to love you're just as blinded
Baby please come back, it wasn't you, baby it was me
Maybe our relationship isn't as crazy as it seems
Maybe that's what happens when a tornado meets a volcano
All I know is I love you too much to walk away though
Come inside, pick up the bags off the sidewalk
Don't you hear sincerity in my voice when I talk?
Told you this is my fault, look me in the eyeball
Next time I'm pissed I'll aim my fist at the drywall
Next time there won't be no next time
I apologize even though I know it's lies
I'm tired of the games I just want her back
I know I'm a liar if she ever tries to f**kin' leave again
I'ma tie her to the bed and set this house on fire

[Chorus]
[End]

puffing billy lifestyle

2010-08-15T14:32:00.007+08:00

Back from another wave of hitting the city (and the country)!

My social week began on Wednesday when I went down with Tina to Gippsland to attend the Commando Uni party... We went down so that Ana would actually come out of her room and have a little fun in Gippyland for once, but cuz we got arrived pretty late Ana didn't manage to get her shots so she wasn't really hyper. Met Jacky and Josa there though~! Haha poor Jacky gave his best but ended up flopping on the couch while Josa and I went to dance. Hehe.

I stayed at Gippyland although I was planning to go back to Clayton, and ended up catching the 12pm train straight to the city to meet Karina. We met Aaron and went to rent Kari's costume (Cheeky Soldier!!), as well as get materials to make my costume. We had loads of fun spraying my white Rubi shoes red to match what the character was wearing...

The guards at her apartment shone their torchlight at us as we were pulling the newspapers with the shoes on it into her house. They must have thought we were doing graffiti on the walls or something wahaha.

We also had a mini photoshoot! It was for Karipau's project, which required Aaron and myself to pretend to be angry, punching walls and stuff. Photos will not be released though; it's intellectual property. :)

Went to Biero on Friday with Karipau for the costume party. Superhero and Villains theme! I went as Faith from Mirror's Edge, although I didn't have the short hair to pull it off properly. Here's what it's supposed to look like.

This was what I ended up looking like:

Many thanks to Karina of course for taking 2 hours to draw my tattoo with the $5 eyeliner I bought from Target arcade. :)

There are more photos in Karina's camera that would show the full body of my costume but there was some problems with uploading so... Oh well. Technology is never reliable.

I went to dance with the children on Saturday afternoon and this week they were surprisingly responsive and active. We didn't have much trouble getting them to move; there were less cases of sticking to the mirror and refusing to dance together with everyone. I'm realising that as I get to see them more with each coming week, each of them and their little quirks are worming into my heart. I think I have to remind myself to step back and maybe take more responsibility as a grown up to not get drawn into their antics. :) Kris and Brendon are really amazing as I see how they work with the children, as well as how well they can interact with the parents who come in. And you can tell how much dedication and heart they have for this job.

Had dinner with Jonsern after that (well he accompanied me for my dinner) at Subway before having to rush off to catch his friend's play at Melbourne Uni. It is called Crimson Spring, written and performed in Mandarin, and was (I'm embarrassed to say) surprisingly good. The beginning of the play was a bit shaky because the performers did not seem to have gotten into their role yet, but it very quickly warmed up. The singers were really fantastic as well, and I felt the casting was pretty brilliant. Except Jonsern's friend told us at the end of the play that the person whom we thought was the murderer, actually wasn't. So... Hmmm. lol.

Ran off after that for sing Karaoke at Kbox! Met this awesome girl called Tonia, who is (as described by Phil) an absolute angel. And really pretty as well! Haha. Well it was my first time singing with Aussies and wow, I loved the way they really enjoyed karaoke and had so much fun!! Of course there was alcohol and dice involved (I had a shot but stayed surprisingly sober; think my tolerance level's gone up), but that's just a different way of enjoying karaoke I guess? Had a $6 sandwich from 7-11 cuz I just couldn't be bothered, and went back to Kari's place.

Barely made it back this morning home; I was so completely shagged but happy that everyone managed to have a good weekend. Don't know how Kari does it so often. Well, it's about time to buckle down and get some work done. The coming weekend seems like it's gonna be hectic again. :)

Love,
Alva!

trashing it out like only a Grouch can

2010-08-06T03:45:00.002+08:00

Just finished an MSN conversation with Andrew.

Those who know me well, will probably have some inkling on how I've been feeling towards our relationship. And tonight was the night. I talked it out with him.

We've cleared up a couple of misunderstandings and got each other back on a workable frequency. But we have agreed that we'll need to work on areas such as "DATING". It's gonna be hard, but I'm going to give my all and give it a shot.

And I have to say, I'm a pretty lousy girlfriend to begin with so I'm really going to give this my all. I really hope it works out.

On a lighter note, I watched STEP UP 3D today!!! :)

It left me skipping out of the cinema and all pumped up ready to dance. Everyone else was very used to me being crazy like that, and they all had a good laugh about it.

I'm loving the badge that Karipau gave to me this afternoon! It has a smiley face on it and labeled me as the crazy one. I'm pretty proud of the suitability of that nickname. Haha.

I also just spent 130 AUD today on a pair of black heels from the brand Naturalizer at Myers. I couldn't stop raving about it after slipping it on; I describe it as "walking on clouds". It was good and felt comfy for my sore and tired feet. :) Finally, the end of my era of cheap shoes has arrived! lol.

Hoping to be able to go to the Tim Burton exhibition soon... Jessica asked me to go yesterday but I was so busy this week I couldn't do it. But hopefully I'll be able to make it one of these days.

Alright, better go and sleep now. Tomorrow got contemporary dance class! Woots! If I can wake up for it that is, not holding out much hope...

Love,
yanz

wave after wave

2010-07-30T23:46:00.003+08:00

It's been too long! (since I last updated)

Went to Warburton with Jessica, Jonathan and Jack. During this time we visited the Puffing Billy and other less known places... Also went to Adelaide with Ching Yee and Jonsern and caught up with his friends, who were all really nice. Saw dolphins at Port Adelaide! It was really fun.

I just came back after joining Tina and Marlon for late night dinner/supper at Jaipur near Clayton station. Also went out with Amrie this afternoon to Glen Waverley to have park bim su (but we didn't manage to find the shop, so we had fruit and sago desserts instead). It's funny because for someone who hasn't been to Glen Waverley before, I went there two days in a row. Yesterday I went there with Aaron to have lunch, and there we ate the most heavenly Ang Ku Kueh and drank pokka green tea (from Klang), which he declared was the best thing he had since he came to Melbourne. lol. Anyways, Amrie and I headed to the city after lunch and I went for cell group, where I met really nice people who I enjoyed talking to. :)

My dear Daddy passed me his camera and I brought it out to try today for the first time! Tried to test taking some night shots, but my composition etc isn't very good, just anyhow take. Maybe will upload someday when I have the energy...

Yep, that's all for now. Sleepy! Hopefully today will be a good day.

Good night!

Love,
Alva

all the love in the world

2010-06-10T01:33:00.003+08:00

just read kari's blog... it makes me very happy to have a friend like her... and very proud that she is the person that she is today.

everyday that i spend more time with the people around me, the more i treasure how much they constantly give me their love and care. and it always surprises me that i'm the object of their affections. never fails to shock me actually.

i grew up habitually doing one thing. i like to hide when the going gets rough. i withdraw (in some way or another) from the problem, and hopes it goes away.

when i get too close to a person, i will withdraw away from them. i can't get too close to them.

that is why i have many friends, but seldom are close to them. because i feel like i don't deserve the amount of love they give me, and that i will never be able to reciprocate it back in an equal amount. so i run away.

that's why, when i meet amazing people like karina, tina, and ching yee, i wonder how they could love me so much for someone who didn't seem to have done much for them.

jonsern counselled me in the best way possible the other day in maccas. he counselled me as a friend. and the impact it had on me was so much, much more than it could have been if it was a stranger. because he cared, and i can feel it so genuinely. that's why they said you have to be counselled to be a counsellor.

it came up in the session that i am so used to giving so much of myself to other people that i don't view it as something extraordinary anymore. i think it's very normal behaviour. so when people praise me, i can't really feel the meaning behind those praises. that's why i always reject those praises, because to me those are normal gestures.

i don't know if i will dare to love others more, and selflessly. i think i'm afraid if i give too much of myself, i will explode. i doubt my own capabilities to hold myself together, much less hold all these people that i love together. and i'm wondering whether it is because i already give so much of myself that there is no more to give, and i will be exhausted if i keep giving it without withdrawing.

that's why i like to be alone, because it is the only time i let myself put myself first instead of other people.

i think that extends to my relationships as well. i always give a lot in the beginning, and then i realise that i'm exhausted. but i don ever realise that until i am on breaking point, and suddenly all the tears makes sense.

if i could ask for something in this life, i will ask for the ability to know when to start and when to stop. the ability to draw boundaries.

the higher you fly, the harder you fall. even if you can fly for 22 years of your life, you can't fly forever without eventually resting on the ground.

maybe i can make it a weekly resting day? :)

love,

yanz

ps: my friends give me the most beautiful memories... and i really am very grateful to you guys for that.

new music

2010-06-09T04:48:00.001+08:00

I think this was a very beautifully written song by Jae and Charles. Hopefully they'll make it big and I can buy their albums. Talent deserves to be recognised.

Love,

yanz

nagas

2010-06-05T17:37:00.001+08:00

Been trying to do assignments.

But ended up reading this:

http://www.illuminatedlantern.com/cinema/archives/snakes_and_snake_women.php

Myths and legends are awesome. And snakes provide good shelter from the rain. :)

Speaking as a Singaporean! :)

2010-06-03T00:16:00.003+08:00

Was procrastinating my current assignment, and somehow managed to surf youtube.com for Singapore videos...

LOVED THIS: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AK3wi2Tt4Pc&feature=related

Found an amazing array of ugly auntie behaviour, as well as the well-known aunties and uncles who aren't so well who takes the same MRT line day in day out.

Here's a few that I have personally encountered before as well:

1: The Singapore Idol uncle - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JF0BeDCvax0&feature=related

2: Bedok station auntie (I was at Eunos when she asked me why I didn't go to church. And it was a Sunday morning lol. I thought she was partially psychic. Was standing at the door like the girl too!) - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pLDSnlMJBn8&feature=related

This one reminded me of the time when tears rolled out from my eyes on the train after my ex and I broke up: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rCBjwtN7xgA&feature=related

Watching these videos made me realise that for Singaporeans, our lives are so packed and so busy that we barely have time to settle our own mental states. Being outside meant that we were meeting someone or doing some activity. Being at home meant that we were getting ready to fall into bed after a long day. The only time we are alone is almost always when we're on the MRT or bus. The concept of taking time out to smell the flowers is almost non-existent (yep, it's a pun on our garden city).

When I watched this I was really sad! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eYuIg7Tnc7g&feature=related

sigh.

I know the Singapore accent does sound rough, but I can't help but wonder: what do people expect when you place native English and mix in 3 other main languages within it. Considering the fact that the largest population of racial groups is Chinese, I think the current level of English among our youths nowadays is absurdly good. The accent may be bad, but hell, at least we can form full sentences. That and the fact that our grandparents probably had to pick up English at a ridiculously fast pace in order to keep their jobs, so you can't really fault them for mangling it up. Who cares about aesthetics when bringing the bread home is what counts?

Look dudes and dudettes. If hearing perfect English is so important to you, then I believe the only place you'll truly be satisfied is if you went to England.

Having been to Australia, I think that they do share quite a few similar societal issues as Singapore (and perhaps Hong Kong and Switzerland). This mostly stems from the racial diversity, as well as the fact that their accents have been made fun of. But I think an area that most people tend to overlook is the amazing ability of people from these countries to adapt. Sure, there are ugly Singaporeans / Aussies. But obviously there are fantastic ones as well, and probably many of you out there who chance upon this article belong in this category. The beautiful Singaporeans and Australians get big thumbs up for being culturally sensitive and open to making friends with people all over the world (in fact, this probably relates to loads of people from other countries as well).

Then again, you just can't stop those idiots who post ridiculous videos like this up: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F7h-MeH3T38&feature=related

love,
alva

kokoro ga naiteru

2010-05-31T06:15:00.003+08:00

8:15am here in Gippsland, and I'm missing you.

Must be the Craig David song. Stupid song.

I don't know who is 'you', but 'you' have always had a special place in my heart that no one can ever seem to fill.

I wonder if it is even possible to find 'you', or have you already came and gone and I haven't noticed?

Everytime I hear the rain patter on the sidewalks, you appear in my heart.

Reality can never live up to fantasy, no matter how hard I try to convince myself.

Not in my reality at least.

So this is the question I want to ask all of you; do you live trying to convince yourself to stop dreaming, or do you live trying to live a dream?

I guess I'll always remain a dreamer. Unless I fall really hard to the ground.

소원

2010-05-12T10:28:00.002+08:00

When I get a stable job, I want to earn enough money so my parents can do anything that they always wanted to do.

namida no uta

2010-05-07T13:14:00.003+08:00

you know those moments when you wonder if anyone will miss you if you decided to commit suicide?

i wonder if everyone has those kind of moments. or has there been anyone who'd been successful at hiding it inside.

there are some people who meet obstacles in their lives and find themselves surrounded by unbelievable loneliness.

there are also other people who seems to have everything in the world and yet, find themselves hollow inside.

yeah sure, people make themselves upset. according to ellis at least. but what if taking things easy is just another way of deceiving yourself that everything is fine? is there a cure for 'healthy anxiety'?

i'm beginning to think i can never have a family of my own, because i have not lived in one. i don't know how to act like one.

maybe if i pull the sheets over my head long enough, i can pretend that it has gone away.

or if i keep the light on, i can put the darkness looming behind me at the back of my mind.

but like the nightmares that i always have, i know they will catch up with me one day. and even if i manage to make myself complete, i can never hope to make my family complete.

and i just wish someone would come and save me.

T.T

2010-05-07T13:12:00.003+08:00

Contrary to popular belief, there are parents who don't care about their children.

stone

2010-04-20T03:35:00.002+08:00

I finally got down to watching this show:

And it so happens that the reason why I finally got down to watching it is cuz I'm supposed to be rushing my assignment.

Sigh.

Thanks to Kari for introducing me the show.

And I think I probably should stop putting pleasure as my highest value in life. Such a flighty value to have.

So thank you to Facebook for highlighting that point out to me.

Now, to get back to being a boring person, it's about time I started on my readings. At 5.37 in the morning.

Bah!!!~

Love,
Alva (the ex-pleasureseeker)

回家

2010-04-11T22:12:00.003+08:00

I miss my family.

I miss the days when we sit together in the living room and play monopoly, guess who and chinese checkers together.

I miss our weekly Yao Cai chicken expeditions at Admiralty.

I miss snuggling in between my parents on the bed and falling asleep.

I miss them nagging at me to clean up my room.

I miss my dad's amusement at me disturbing his fishes.

I wish they were here with me in Melbourne, experiencing new things and having fun together.

I will never stay in a place that they don't stay in.

If my parents don't come to Melbourne, I think I'm just going to give up on the PR.

There's no place like home.

I just wish home was more of my family and less of unknown strangers.

be with me or get behind me

2010-04-11T21:58:00.003+08:00

thank you michael for sharing this.

http://and-i-quote.tumblr.com/

On a side note, I have decided to take a new spin on life.

Beware of the crazy new me.

Boo!

love,
yanz

T.T

2010-04-08T15:09:00.000+08:00

참 좋았어 너무 좋아서 더 아프죠

Thanks Younha.

Love,
yanz

+_+

2010-04-03T16:25:00.002+08:00

Wow.

The sudden spike in visitor activity surprises me.

Haha if it's anything to do with what happened last night,

don't be kpo.

If you have a vested interest in the matter, you can easily find out what's happening on this side without stalking blogs / fb.

Just show your face.

alva

^^

2010-04-02T00:40:00.003+08:00

ハピ！

やっぱりカラオケがいちばんすきのこと。

なんでじんせいこんなにふくざつ。

じつは、ほんとうにうれしいじゃない。

かなしいね。

だれかたすける？

Love,
Alva

Carousel of Dreams

2010-04-01T12:27:00.003+08:00

Just had a nightmare.

I couldn't remember at first what it was about. But after thinking really hard, I kinda remembered how it went.

I dreamt that I was going for an event, and I needed a camera. So I walked into a shop and saw an orange camera. The amazing thing was it also came attached to a variety of music player cases (walkman, discman, ipods), so you could play music while you took pictures.

After discussion with my friend (and in my dream I knew it was Meiluan from my church), who told me that camera was really fantastic, I decided to use my $999 Courts voucher to buy it. Whereby the scene changed to the camera being really high up the shelf and I couldn't reach it.

I turned around to the salesperson for help and they gave me a rather odd look; the feeling in the shop had changed and I realised I couldn't look for my friends, who were on other levels of the building.

I started running around looking for them, but there was a urn of some sort that my friend with me (he was wearing baggy jeans that were slightly torn) was carrying and it was bouncing around his hip cuz it was tied to his waist. It was those kind of moments where you see the camera zoom in on the urn as a 'dum dum' moment.

Finally after managing to find all the rest of my friends (I didn't dream the process but I knew it was tough, because the lift was being freaky and refused to take us to the right floor etc), we reached the ground floor and ran out. We were greated by a construction site with a giant carousel that was half built / half rundown.

I had this feeling that I had to throw away the urn there, on the ground next to the carousel. So I tried to do that. It is hard to describe the amount of negative vibes you get in nightmares during these kind of processes but that's exactly what happened. There was some invisible force trying to stop me from throwing the urn there.

But after some time of struggle, I managed to throw it down on the floor.

That's when I woke up. And the first thought in my mind was, damn. I wish I had bought that camera.

Love,
Yanz

some thoughts

2010-03-31T19:41:00.002+08:00

Farking depressed.

Had a lot of relevations just now when I was washing grapes to eat. I was just thinking to myself the reasons why I could be feeling so down.

If I was in Singapore right now, and I was bored, I could pick up the phone and call someone out for a teh peng.

Which might be the equivalent of having a beer to the Aussies.

And I was suddenly reminded of how I always tell my mother to go out and make friends.

It just hit me that it can feel so hopeless. The part where you are just putting yourself out there. This whole process of having to make an effort, to pull yourself out of feeling depressed enough to decide you couldn't take it any more.

Then the having to pretend you're feeling okay so people won't think you're needy and boring and your shitloads of insecurities.

Cuz when they know you're so useless, they tend to stay away.

I'm used to having a upper hand in the usual power dynamics in all my relationships. Obviously being the more powerful one makes you feel awesome (as we all probably know). But it's such a horrible, scary feeling when you're the one with lesser power. Especially if you're used to being the one in power.

And even when you meet new friends, it is very difficult to find one who you can be really close with, who actually understands you. If that's the case for me, how much more difficult can it be for someone like my mother?

I think life is really giving me a lot more opportunities to experience and become wiser.

Thank you. Now I feel a bit happier. :)

Love,
Alva

JAPAN!

2010-03-28T10:53:00.003+08:00

Cannot take it la. Shouldn't have re-read my Shinjukupore blog. And now I regret not updating my Osaka blog everyday I was there, could have said so much!

Found this link for emoticons: http://www.anikaos.com/japanese_emoticons.html

Urgh. I wish I was studying in a Japanese university or something! (But obviously I'll need to seriously brush up my language). But life there is never boring! Everyday it's like an adventure.

Sigh.

Can't even begin to express how much I wish to go to Japan like right now.

And it doesn't help that Jetstar has the 2 for 1 Japan sale! http://www.jetstar.com/au/en/index.aspx
(Sale now on until midnight (23:59 AEDT) Wednesday 31 March 2010, unless sold out prior. )

(;O;)

Love,
Alva / Yanz

K-pop stuff (and misc thoughts)

2010-03-25T00:18:00.004+08:00

Found this link: (Hyori and Big Bang's performance)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8A9nfvtMteE&feature=related

Since it has my two favourite Korean star/group, I thought the performance was brilliant. And I marvel at how she can dance in such high heels.

There's been a video that's caught the netizens' attention. It's a fanmade video, slightly edited to pair up So Hee (Wonder Girls) and Heechul (SJ). Everyone said the cuts was inserted so well and the whole story flowed and fit well with the music. So here it is.

Just had a We Got Married (WGM) session with Ching Yee. Jo Kwon and Gain episodes. I do wish more people would sub them (or that they wouldn't take down the episodes due to copyright laws). After all, that's the only way how many like us (away from Korea) can watch such shows isn't it! And it helps with their popularity.

Oh well. Such is life.

And let's not get started on life.

Love,
Alva

qUes?ions

2010-03-16T23:04:00.006+08:00

Alva apparently has no sense of management.

Time management. (Late for class, late for auditions, late for train...)

Space management. (Lost my passport; Monash student IDs etc)

Priority management.(Has been meaning to do big business but has been putting it off for the past 4 hours in favour of facebook)

Even my hair refuses to be managed.

~

People I used to look up to I don't any longer. I'm getting this vibe that I've changed a lot and I have no idea when and how it happened. I'm no longer the 'me' I insisted on being.

I'm wondering if other people are getting this or is it just me.

The last time this has happened to me was probably when I made friends with the two Js.

I was looking through my list of MSN contacts and I realised that I used to be really attracted to people who I think are pretty loserish now.

So I guess the question I really want to know is;

WhoamI?

And perhaps,

WhatdoIwant? (Maybe this, actually: http://www.pentaximaging.com/slr/K-x_Black/)

karma

2010-03-09T23:20:00.003+08:00

Alva never knew how it felt to be jealous.

Now she does.

And now she also can finally understand the insecurities surrounding a LDR.

It's worse than before, because this time she cannot be there and she cannot do anything.

Is this revenge / karma of some sort?

Sigh.

Alva

End of a chapter

2010-02-19T00:25:00.004+08:00

I've got butterflies in my stomach.

It's like a sudden crash course of meeting up with old friends. Coupled with the not-so-fantastic-timing of CNY, it's been a hectic week.

But I still managed to squeeze time out to watch Down With Love (Jiu Xiang Lai Zhe Ni). And I finished the last ep last night. This is all thanks to my lovely friends who were nice enough to let me sleep in and were very understanding about everything...

Thank you Jeremy, Melvyn, Eddric, Wei Cheng, Lawrence, Wei En, Freddie, Lisan, Charlie, Gawain, 4-9 clan, CJ peeps.

And most of all, Mummy, Daddy and Andrew. Thanks for unselfishly sharing me with other people.

Anticipation continues to build for Mardi Gras, and now that things in Singapore are coming to a close, it's time to stress out about getting ready for Australia.

1. Pack
2. Change AUD
3. Renew Visa
4. Buy furniture
5. Enrol
6. Pay school fees

Things happening these few days:
Friday - Lisan (afternoon), Andrew (night)
Saturday - Ms Beh (12-1.30), Mrs Lim (2-4), Flight (5-8.20)

To get to Ms Beh's house:
take bus from timah if not from batok
timah got 3 buses
batok got 177

And I haven't even gotten to stressing about the workload for Masters.

Someone kill me please.

Love,
yanz

new updates for Down with Love!

2010-02-14T00:34:00.003+08:00

For those who have been (like me) waiting anticipatedly for the new drama by Jerry Yan + Ella... *drumrollssss*...

HERE IT IS!!!!

Here's the bummer; it's only available in Mandarin subtitles for now... But if that doesn't deter you...

Watch everything (you can only stream for now) at this website:
http://tudou.com/playlist/id/7953113/

If you can't read Chinese for the website, here's the link to the first ep.
http://www.tudou.com/playlist/playindex.do?lid=7953113&iid=45736573&cid=22

Happy Chinese New Year & Valentines' Day to all!

Love,
yanz

how to have safe sex

2010-02-12T06:03:00.000+08:00

Another session of Ris Low:

http://vimeo.com/9200749

2nd part to the previous post

2010-02-09T03:36:00.003+08:00

Alright now I feel much better. I actually couldn't get to sleep because of all those pent up emotions inside me, which I totally just wrote about in the previous entry.

If you are the person(s) I wrote about, please don't take it to heart. I don't wanna start a fight. I'm just pissed at how the whole situation turned out. And I feel shit because now it seems like I'm a sucky host, but I didn't even ask for the job.

Hope you readers understand how I feel.

G'night.

Alva

~Updates!~

Gav went back to Melbourne today.... :( Didn't manage to send him off to the airport because I had to attend the gala premier of Leehom's new movie with Jackie Chan called Little Big Soldier. I am kinda embarrassed to say I was there as a fan club member lol. Fangirl FTW!

Didn't know the movie started at 9.20pm, which by that time was too late for me to be able to make it to the airport. Sigh. I feel really sucky about it. Wish I had been able to hang out with Gav that night too, but Momma called.

But the movie was pretty awesome; everybody was quite amused by the show... :) Recommended for people who like non-slapstick comedy; it was all pretty subtle. Obviously fans of Leehom will find it a bonus. His acting really improved a lot, I'm happy to say. Maybe the role suits him. :) He was able to get away with the accent by being from another part of China. Lol.

And I kinda cried a little at the end, cuz it was pretty touching when I saw how patriotic Jackie was. But the fight scenes were a little confusing; too much to see clearly, and they all ended up blurring together.

Alright I'll leave you with that for now. Oyasumi!

(I met 2 Japanese ladies at the fanclub called Akemi and Yumiko. Ii namae ne!

@*&$(&#(&%(#(i&((#$

2010-02-09T03:08:00.002+08:00

Angry as fuck.

I'm shaking.

I want a reason to trash things out and scream.

1.

I told you to cross the road to take the bus from the office. I can accept it if you told me it was a miscommunication. I do not accept you saying that it is partly my fault. I don't appreciate you laying blame at my door when I was not even going to lay blame at yours for not listening closely to what I said.

2.

I'm happy for you that you get to freeload from everyone in Malaysia. I'm sorry I don't work and I don't get an allowance. If you want to freeload in Singapore I suggest you find someone else. Preferably someone who has a car because you actually have to topup the farecard for the MRT. Fuck you.

3.

I didn't expect that you EXPECT me to be your tour guide. When people suggest to go on trips they usually PLAN THEIR OWN. Transport included. WTF am I the planner. When I wasn't even the one to suggest the whole 'let's travel to HK Malaysia Singapore and Macau' shit. WTF am I the one to get the blame when people can't make it or don't like my plans or if I can't bring you to visit anywhere because you've been to Singapore sooo many times. I wasn't even the one to invite you to stay at my place. If my mother invited you, and I said no to you on MSN, it means you can go get her to entertain you 'cuz I am not interested. I only said yes because you reminded me that my mom promised you could stay, and you obviously wanted to save on a hotel.

4.

I REALLY don't appreciate you dissing my country, no matter what I pretend to say. When I heard things like Malaysia is 10 times better than Singapore, all I have to say is this. Maybe if you actually planned your own shit here for what you wanna visit or do, you might have more fun.

5.

Yes, I will have more fun at Sentosa. Like you said, because Karina and Sze Jia are coming down. I don't appreciate your company just as much as you don't appreciate mine.

6.

I am disappointed that these 'friends' of mine are showing me tantrums when they could have given me a call at ANY TIME they encountered all these shit. I don't accept blame because I think I have already done as much as I could for some people who can't even help themselves out of a rut.

7.

Oh and btw, I paid for your share of that dinner you guys had at Newton Circus and you told Jem thank you just because he passed the money to the uncle, not even once looking at me.

Once again, I reiterate. Fuck you.

New show to watch out for!!

2010-01-26T01:22:00.001+08:00

就想赖着你

HAPPY!!! *jumps around*

love,
drama queen yanz

=hush hush your tush with the tusk=

2010-01-25T16:56:00.004+08:00

I can't go KL. I can't go. TMD i TMD cannot go.

My parents don't understand that even if I don't go KL i also won't be at home. So might as well let me go right!

Sigh.

Angry.

~

On another note, Jess and I had a pretty awesome experience at St. James on Saturday... Many firsts for that day. Am glad things turned out well for Jessie... :)

I'm good at setting things up man. *secretly sniggers*

~

I miss Melbourne, but I'm dreading going back there... I can't meet so many people! And I'm scared to make new friends; it will mean another few people to leave when the time comes for me to go home.

And when I don't manage to meet people for some time, it can feel so strange.

And that makes me really very upset.

I feel like hiding in a corner and staying there for all eternity.

(The only thing that remains constant is the love of performing.)

Love,
yanz

lovely complex!

2010-01-17T02:47:00.002+08:00

This is from one of my favourite Japanese movies of all time; Lovely Complex (Live Action). Starring Koike Teppei and Fujisawa Ema.

love,
yanz

To watch the show, start from this link:

I Snapshot-ted December & January

2010-01-15T03:06:00.007+08:00

1: Our escapades at Choa Chu Kang 24h kopitiam, and some ai xin bread...

2: The distressed owner of the 'mouse' that got ripped by the black kat under the next block during a kat-fishing session.

3: Holding the biggest gummy burger I have seen (and eaten) so far, scavenged during a Changi Airport Candy Empire frenzy.

4: My fantabulous bestie Jeremy performing with his group TONE at Aka Fest '10. (http://www.akafest.com/)

5: KL has done bad things to the Chu family boys.

6: RedBox night + Rushing for Flight + Rain + Tire Puncture = awesome KL memories with Alex Sze Kari and Selina.

alex smiling to himself 'cuz i was taking his photo. eeeyeerr... bhb. ^^

Sze Jia to the rescue with her skills at tire changing. Alex wasn't much help. *sniggers*

7: Kat Kat in a twisty moment. (probably asking for chin scratchies.)

8: Prata with Charlie and his many 'gfs'.

9: Supper with the Church boys as they discuss about ideas and plans to get hitched (for good).

10: Unappreciated musicians @ the tunnel between the MRT station and Orchard 313.

11: In Mid Sneeze.

12: Ching Yee getting ready for bed @ my house after the CJ anniversary concert

That's all folks!

Love,
yanz

A. diploma in hospitatiality

2010-01-12T00:15:00.002+08:00

~the mist~

2010-01-11T03:45:00.004+08:00

OMG.

~

I'm back in the hustle and bustle of Singapore life. And my body's feeling the strain of it already. My voice is gone and it's not showing signs of returning to me!

I don't really know how to feel right now. Having mixed feelings about the way I lead my life.

I really enjoy every single one of my friend's company... And so I tend to accumulate a lot of them. And I think most people get the impression I'm really busy... I don't wanna sound BHB but I guess I have been running around a lot since being home. That was why I wanted to leave in the first place, for somewhere where people didn't know me.

Australia was a very good change for me. I am not particularly popular there; not particularly interesting or good looking... So I have just enough friends to keep them close and not just purely entertaining or having fun. My friends are real enough to keep me sane and grounded.

But all these moving around does tend to make people 'friends for the moment'. Which is a real pity to me. I do think that it is a beautiful thing to have friends who last a lifetime. And for that, I am really grateful that I have The Charmed Ones. Even though I know Jeremy and Jess don't read my blog, I really appreciate that they give me the space I need, yet don't begrudge that I am merely a wisp and haven't been spending a lot of time with them.

Like Jess always says, we should hang out more. I think it's time I dedicated more time to my lovely best friends.

And maybe, the same applies to family too. :)

Priorities are changing. Wish me luck!

Love,
Yanz

~

THE NEW MACCAS AD IN JAPAN:

Angel

2010-01-04T03:54:00.003+08:00

I saw the angel winking at me, and I remembered.

～そんなに小さな天使けど、記憶がいっぱいある。～

Okaeri!

2009-12-23T02:34:00.007+08:00

This is my first entry since I came back to Singapore.

Was doing some MAJOR FB stalking just a while ago... Think the most major thing that happened to me since I came back would be performing for the CJ concert. It's like a rush I can't get rid of, although I still don't think I'm cut out for it. After the performance ended, everything else felt so... bland....

It's in the blood man. It is.

Got to know some really nice people that I wish I could get to know better, but cuz of the whole travelling around shit I probably shouldn't get too close. That's how it ended up hurting for me and my Melbournians. I miss you PEEPS! I wish I could see Gavin force Alex to reverse out the Rez carpark, or see Dave bringing us to Servo. I wish I could of course, sing my heart out with the Lex Kari and Sze gang.

*heart breaks*

With everything that has happened nowadays, it just feels like there's nowhere that I can land myself on and grow some roots. Family's barely there now, but that's something I kinda knew all my life, so I'm kinda used to it. Was very happy to see Ching Yee when she came down to Singy; managed to meet up with Ana and Vina cuz of that.

And of course, late night teh peng sessions at Suriya with Tony and Morps are one of a kind too. They are pretty much in a class of their own. I still crack up thinking about how pissed Jer got with Morp's "Hello, this is Andrew's refrigerator speaking".

Meeting Char and Tiff and Zhang Yun has been a major plus point too. My fellow Destiny's Children! ^.^

Singy has been entertaining indeed. Now if only I can transport Melbourne's air over.

Love,
Yanz

my melayu not beri powderful

2009-12-04T22:19:00.003+08:00

Apparently gelat is not spelled as gelat, but spelled as jelak.

Sigh.

URGH.

ka cau VS ka chiao.

MINE IS NOT WRONG LOR!!! ALEX GO AWAY!

*swats*

love,
yanz

pig body frog head.

2009-12-03T23:28:00.002+08:00

Going home soon...

The feeling of anticipation is quite overwhelming.

Ate a lot today sial! Had Japanese don at the Melb Central place; then Alex decided to go try for the first time his Harajuku crepes!

Feeling so gelat. Koped Sze's 3 for $10 candy sticks that she bought at Melbourne Central. Somemore she asked for Cola, which they didn't have on display but happened to have in their hidden stock stash.

House hunting is still haunting me; can't wait until I get it settled and done over with. :) Beginning to appreciate trams a lot more since going to Carnegie today. Actually quite convenient. Lol.

Today had a racist encounter; made me so upset I started tearing on the tram. So nice got ppl give me tissue.

Hopefully our application goes through la; I'm quite tired of looking le. Bah. *faint*

Love,
yanz

ok ok i'm updating now.

2009-12-02T23:55:00.004+08:00

Haven't been updating much. The more active my social life is, the less I update. Sorry about the inverse syndrome.

Went for Karaoke session with Alex Sze Kari ChunYik Vin and Jeremy today at Melb Central. We've been having so many intense karaoke sessions these few days! Haha especially since Alex has been competing with Chun Yik about who has a higher range / better voice / singing styles. Apparently Alex = Cao Ge, and Chun Yik = Fei Yu Qing. Haha. Will refrain from commenting on who is better lol.

Went to Queen Vic night market too! It's held every Wednesday in the evenings, and is choked full of people everywhere! So hard to find seats lah omg. And today, I finally had a meal with Chun Yik properly. Didn't know he eats so much la! How come still not fat. Tmds.

Haha Sze and Kari had the most awesome food there; $15 Potato Tortilla from Simply Spanish (Sze thinks). Then CY bought butter corn + nachos + churros. On top of his savoury French crepe. (I had Indian crepe and both the crepes weren't very nice, bah.)

Went to ka chiao Wei Liang as he was catching his flight back home tonight; met he and his gf's cat Muffin, and ended up leaving my present for one of my SG friends at his house. PANIC!! Had to run back to his house all the way from Pacific BBQ to get the thing from him before he catches his cab to the airport. DOUBLE PANIC!! Made it though; and got back to Pac BBQ in time to sit down and have a nice Mango sago dessert.

I swear staying in the city will make me fat. Quite glad I'm gonna be at Clayton instead. Will be able to resist temptations such as Pie Face and their awesome chocolate mini pies. *tears eyes away*

On the way back to Arma, me and Dru managed to pick up another lost stray addition to the Famiwii; Scarfy. Apparently he's all I'm getting for Christmas! *wail*

And to round off our very hectic and awesome day, I booked our Sydney Mardi Gras hotel tickets and Farmvilled!! hehe.

I bet you must be thinking now that you didn't really need a blow by blow account of my entire day. Hahaha!

love,
yanz

some vids to share after a karaoke session

2009-12-02T23:38:00.003+08:00

For all Yamapi fans:

And if you're into the whole Wondergirls thing, this is the male version for you:

Love,
yanz

Ice Cream BUFFET!!!

2009-12-01T20:45:00.003+08:00

OMG. Look at what Andrew showed me just a few minutes ago.

http://www.youth.sg/content/view/7326/61/

All you can eat Ice Cream buffet at ION ORCHARD SWENSENS!!

And we knew about it thanks to Sze Jia's copy of 8 Days lying around the room. Hehe.

Russell and the penguins are all looking longingly at me, hoping I'll bring them hoommeee... Hehe.

This will be my first stop!

Love,
yanz

again.

2009-11-22T22:21:00.001+08:00

:)

love,
yanz

平井堅

2009-11-20T23:20:00.002+08:00

Gonna talk about 2 songs from one of my favourite Japanese singer, Hirai Ken today. Have written the English translation for the lyrics so you can read for yourself why I like the songs... :)

1! ~ Kimi ga Warattara (君が笑ったら) - Ken Hirai

He sings with so much feeling.

Couldn't find the English translation for this song. But it's a song for a drama, and is not recorded in any of his albums. In the drama, the song was written for the birthday of the leading lady. Caught some parts of the lyrics; it goes something like this:

"When you laugh, when you feel hurt.
I will definitely, never let go of your hand.

You smile, and I am not afraid of anything."

2! ~ Kimi no Suki na Toko (君の好きなとこ) - Hirai Ken

"君の好きなとこなら
　世界中の誰よりも
知ってる僕が嬉しくて"

ENGLISH

I can’t begin to count all the things I love about you
My thoughts become so strong that I can’t say them in front of you

When you’re in front of me, I become speechless
The prayers, doubts, and sighs built up from the days we were apart disappear

See, if I tried telling you about these feelings
Would you look troubled? I hope it would be the opposite

Your shy laughter Your profile as you sulk Your scrunched up crying face
Your long eyelashes The shape of your ears Your overcut bangs

There are as many things I love about you as there are stars in the sky
But I can’t express even one of them properly in words

As you fall deeper in love, you get very good at compromising
But this tingling in my chest is always just out of reach

Wanting to see your troubled face, I try saying something mean
Even though everything about you, to me, is unbearably adorable

The dimple that appears on only one side Your hoarse morning voice
The color of your lips The smell of your hair Your warmth when I hold you

I know about the things I love about you better than anyone else
I wonder why it’s so difficult to express these feelings

You become silent when you’re hungry because it worsens your mood
Even though you fall asleep whenever you’re drunk,
you always pout about going home

Of course you have a few flaws as well
But I end up forgiving them as soon as I see you

Your relieved expression
Your eyebrows that turn into the word “八” as you laugh
Even though you’re very sarcastic,
you’re surprisingly weak to stories about human kindness

I am so happy that
I know about all the things I love about you better
than anyone else in the entire world

Look, you’re about to smile

I wonder why I can’t express this in words

~

One of my favourite songs from Ken. Didn't know the translation was so sweet. The MV was quite cute though, although in the beginning I didn't really get it. haha. :) Imagining someone singing to song to a girl is a really sweet image...

Hiccuping like crazy. Sian.

Love,
yanz

leaving

2009-11-20T14:34:00.002+08:00

A summary of today.

Last day of radio today.

So stressed about houses! *faint*

Listening to Jam Hsiao Jing Teng's Wang Fei album. Not too bad actually. Can't believe I had it in my comp for so long and I didn't listen to it until now.

DC officially down.

Life without DC = everyone left on rez gathering to eat dindin / take a nice stroll out to Safeway.

Will miss Gippy from the bottom of my broken heart... *sings*

Leaving always makes people emo.

Love,
yanz

jya ne.

2009-11-17T21:48:00.004+08:00

Streaming Zettai Kareshi special now...

http://www.dramacrazy.net/japanese-drama/absolute-boyfriend-zettai-kareshi/absolute-boyfriendzettai-kareshi-special/

Hehe. Thanks to Pam, found out about it.

Tomorrow's going to be a long day man. Sigh they going to beach... I also wanna go... :(

Sabishii yo. Kokoro kara sabishii sa.

Demo daijyoubu... Kana.

Another day of fun that I'm missing out.

yanz

tomorrow's going to be an awesome row!~

2009-11-11T21:14:00.003+08:00

Am finally done!

WOOHOO!! *jumps around*

Hopefully I'll pass everything... *fingers crossed really tightly*

Gonna have a couple of things to rush these few days -->

1) Jacky's birthday gift / celebration!
2) Pack stuff to move to the city
3) Pack for Singapura!
4) Send Ching Yee off to the airport
5) Settle house
6) Go Monash Marketplace look for furniture!

Hehe it's all really exciting actually. Life holds so much more possibilities when you don't have EXAMS!!~ WHEEE~ hahahahaha.

love,
yanz

The Sanctity of A Blog (and the dangers of the Modeling Industry)

2009-11-09T20:11:00.008+08:00

I know I don't usually comment on other people, especially not in a negative way. And though I know all about the chaos that can erupt from a 'public' space such as a blog, I think that this is a topic that is of importance for a lot of young people (girls) to know.

The first rule of thumb in every society is this --> A business, is always out to make more money than what they give you.

Sometimes, they might be nice and give you a 'fair share' or at least what they can afford.

Sometimes, they take your money in order to finance other endeavors. And what happens to you after you have paid, is technically 'your own business'.

Now, this might sound like common sense, and most people might feel that anyone who decides to give away their money to obviously dodgy organizations probably had it coming in the first place.

But that's where they are smart. Because they know that there are hoards of young, impressionable kids who think that they are mature and smart for their age, and end up falling into the trap of thinking that they know what they are getting themselves into.

This can be exceptionally so in the modeling industry.

There are tons of modeling agencies out there. If you go and Google the phrase 'Modeling Agencies', you'll find endless pages of results. And you will probably find that half of them are questions posed by people about their experiences (mostly bad, but some good ones) after being scouted by an agency.

There are many types of 'traps'. I shall refrain from using the SC*M word, but I think that's precisely the kind of feeling anyone would feel after coughing up hundreds of dollars for a compulsory portfolio, and a hope.

You see, every agency hopes to find 'THE' model. The one that will get the fame on the covers of glossy magazines, while they sit back and show future hopefuls "see, that's our model. and you can become one too."

But what people don't understand is. If you had that potential, they would be begging for you to come in. These people know what their clients want. They have developed an eye for it. And if they know that you're going to be marketable, they'll be falling all over themselves to sign you.

But in the words of this lady (KSL from http://forum.singaporeexpats.com/ftopic23029.html?t=23029), "...it's all part and parcel of the industry. if your average, you pay, if you have real talent, nobody wishes to lose you, because they can see the potential."

HOW DO THEY EARN FROM YOU?

1) Portfolios. It makes sense that they need pictures from you. So it's the most natural thing that agencies make you pay for.

2) Makeup. Bring in some unknown makeup that sounds upperclass and you have people who are willing to fork out a whole month of their pay for some 'Hollywood' brand, because they thought that they were paying for branded stuff.

3) Training / Grooming classes. Everyone wants to look their best. And if someone is hoping to make it to the catwalks, it makes sense to go through training for that.

That is all fine, in a sense. But I dislike it when these agencies, after successfully getting their girls to pay, offer them to option to come back and 'work' for them. In this sense, 'work' refers to the job of 'promoting and scouting' new talent. In my understanding, 'work' simply refers to helping them siphon off more money from a wider group of people.

From their viewpoint, they can argue that this is a way for the 'average' girls to get their hard earned money back. But let me tell you this. A scam is a scam. And they are just getting other people to do their dirty work for them, to continue to scam even more people.

I'm sick of people saying, "It's your own fault for being so gullible." The last time I got scammed on Facebook because I clicked the Pussycat Dolls concert tickets link, that was exactly what my lecturer told me.

There should be a law of 'ill-intention' or 'no intention'. If scams (both on Facebook and in certain modeling agencies) are tailored in such a way that can mislead impressionable minors, they should be rooted out and punished. The actual value of the product that is offered is way too little for the amount that is paid out. And too many people have just chosen, at some point in their lives, to pretend that the mistake they made did not exist, or have attempted to obtain justice in some way but have found themselves facing an iron-clad loophole of excuses.

I think this thread might say it all: http://forums.sgclub.com/singapore/modelling_scam_girls_5259.html

http://forum.singaporeexpats.com/ntopic57934.html&sid=e20a4c074781440509436a984ed544e1

~ On a side note, I thought this was very interesting:

(http://www.stevenlim.net/models.htm)

Quote: "As a loyal and faithful Taurus, she is a beautiful cow. Extremely fair and undoubtfully beautiful. This ravishing beauty is ravished. Good for all events."

Quote: "Li Yun poses with her hand in front of her. The sky is blue and cheery. Her coolness makes the weather good! Good for all events."

I know Li Yun is kinda similar to beautiful cloud in Mandarin. But... The sky is blue and cheery?!?

I'm sorry Steven. As much as I admire your courage, the modeling site you have has got amazingly original description of your models. I just thought it was something interesting to highlight to others. :)

Love,
yanz

My 100th post. and it's about a song.

2009-11-08T18:41:00.003+08:00

Tomorrow's my exams, so naturally, I've been surfing the net the whole of today instead... =.=|||

Was listening to Kim Ah Joong's version of Byul, then attempted to find the lyrics for Yumi's complete version. Realised that it was very difficult to find those lyrics, because everyone uploaded the shorter version that Kim Ah Joong sang. So...

Yumi - Byul

1^
Param gyeori jangel hen tel go
Ne ki man han jaken na eh pan wi ru
Aremdapge byulbijdereun kadegje woju neyo
Saelsu op shima nempyolteru
Chijuinuna rul oru manjina
Ne mamsoke katuptanun
Nun multakashu neyo
Malhi apahajima nalkon anenjae
Dadegyour jumyour jaljara wi ru hae ju ne yo
Kyourdjimothan mankem
Himegyour wo apawado
Nenmeli apelgaryourwado
Gaji mothan ne sarang apedo na uselraeyo
Jamshi ra do kyeote
Haengboghaeton giyog elrel
Gaseme gan jig halkeyo
Du nene su nyohajin jor byuldel chorom
Yong~won~hi
2^
Kumel ku tet da ga o neyo
Yunanhi topakenna ye pyol hana
Nun pu shi ge ban jagi myour or ke waeru ne ryour wo
Ja ku sel pohajima
Son kog jap en che nal man jyour ju myour
Ta sehi nal kamssajuneyo
Kyourdjimothan mankem
Himegyour wo apawado
Nenmeli apelgaryourwado
Gaji mothan ne sarang apedo na uselraeyo
Jamshi ra do kyeote
Haengboghaeton giyog elrel
Gasem soge ganjig halkeyo
Du nene su nyohajin jor byuldel charom
Ohhh~
Na yo nel man en an ul your yu
Nun muli ga teg cha wa do
Jogi
Jo byul tel chorom
Naesel reyo~
Oh~Oh~
Hengbog haeton giyog modu
Gaseme ganjig halkeyo
Du nene su nyohajin jor byuldel charom
Yong~won~hi

~ Courtesy of user Q on wenq's Ongaku blog site (http://akaiyubi.wordpress.com/2007/05/03/byul-ost-200-pounds-beauty-kim-ah-joong/) ~

Yesterday I was in the city with Ching Yee, on the hunt for our perfect house for next semester in Caulfield. When we met up with Sze Kari and Lex, we found out about... 7-11 day!

Apparently they were giving out free cups of Slurpees to anyone who walks in and says, "Happy 7-11 day!"

So we obviously, being very Asian, went to gorge ourselves. Hehe. But obviously, the city has a lot other Asians. Almost every 7-11 Slurpee machine we went to were empty. *sigh*

Hahaha. But we still managed to drink 2 cups. *bashful, but inside very happy. hehe.*

And Ching Yee got fed up with me running into people and crossing streets even though a car is coming, so she shouted, "Alva, watch where you're going can?"

So, being me, I took it literally and dramatically pretended to turn my head from left to right everytime I took a step. Obviously I meant it to be a stunt, and she was like, "Ok lar! I didn't mean it that way Alva!". We were both laughing and she was trying to get me to stop acting silly, but I refused to stop looking around. And lucky I did, because just when I was looking to my left, a lady appeared from behind the glass window at QV and nearly walked straight into me.

And because I was purposely looking around, she got the shock of her life when she walked straight into my big eyed gaze. It probably looked something like this:

She must have been like, "What the hell is wrong with her" lol.

love,
yanz

dedication to Morticia Addams (99th post)

2009-11-05T22:35:00.009+08:00

Christina Ricci in a lovely dress (bit risky, but I think she pulled it off)

Went on a Morticia Addams spree today.
I've always wanted to get a Morticia dress, since I already found my 'Wednesday' dress.
I mean, you should know that I'm very much an over the top kinda person, right?

Morticia is known to speak French, and is musically inclined. She is often seen strumming a shamisen.

Very nice shot of a modern day feel of a less vampish Morticia.

One day, if possible, I'd like to be able to carry off for at least one occasion in my life, a Morticia look. This is perhaps the closest I'll get to a Morticia dress.

There were in total 6 different versions of Morticia. Carolyn Jones however, is in my mind, the quintessential Morticia. Unlike Anjelica, Carolyn makes the viewers believe that Morticia is truly a mother and a wife. She has a beauty and warmth about her that makes Tish classic.

She gave joy to the world.

love,
yanz

PS: There was a mistake with my number of posts; there were some drafts that I saved which I just deleted, so this became my 99th post. Watch out for my next one!

my 101th post for my ~Huang Yanting~ blog!

2009-11-05T02:39:00.002+08:00

Oh! Just realised that this is my 101th post for this blog. Yippie!

- back to the topic -

I have came to 2 conclusions today.

1. People who say, "I've always known from young that I'd be a singer / journalist / insert any occupation" are either generalising that statement or have had amazing talent to start with. Because no one cares about people who have known from young that they'd want to be something, but because they were not good enough, didn't manage to make it in that field. It's almost pointless to mention that you've always known that you want to be somebody; it's giving people the impression that if you had this dream to be somebody when you're young, you'll definitely get there in the end. How many of us had to fall along the way? And even if you didn't know from young you'd do well in that field, it doesn't matter, because in the now, you're the person to be in that area.

2. There are two different categories of people among the people who lead successful lives in this world; creators and translators. Similar to the concept of Master of Trade VS. Jack of Trades, but not quite.

Creators survive in the world by being particularly good at ONE or a few things, and often than not, spawn a new era of change in the field that they excel in. Translators survive because people are always greedy for more, and although translators are not necessarily particularly good at any field, they have the necessary skills to bridge others over to different areas in order to allow them to enter a different world. Practical examples of professions of Creators include: Philosophers, potters, dancers. Examples of Translators include: Businessmen, teachers.

And while creators can choose to become translators at any point in their lives, it is usually very difficult for a translator to become recognised as a creator.

- snaps back to 2009 -

*So some news updates for today,

I just booked my driving test for 27th Nov 2009. That means that hopefully crosses fingers that I'll be able to get my license in time to go back to Singapore.

My first exam is on the 9th, and my other exam is on the 11th. So if you see me on Facebook the day before those dates, please chase me off.

Quite determined to be able to sing Celine Dion's Pour Que Tu M'aimes Encore by the end of the year, properly. That means I'll have to brush up on my diction for French.

Gonna try to make it to Alv's class in Unitd Styles, get my foundation and beats right for dance.

Made an appointment with Alex to sing karaoke! And some basic singing lesson sessions too, prolly at UniLodge.

Have to meet Ziyang too, to get my Dancer shirt from him before I fly back to SG. Prolly have to be on the 12th or 13th when I go down to the city ba.

Maybe it's a really good thing I didn't decide to go Korea with CJSOPA. Phew. I'll be struggling to get everything done by then!

Love,
yanz

without your calamine lotion and analgesic, i'm lost.

2009-11-03T22:04:00.005+08:00

I'll make this a quick entry cuz dru's waiting for me to accompany him to study for his exam (which is tomorrow).

I just finished a tub of Dairy Farmer's strawberry yoghurt. Watched Addams Family S1. Listening to Parklife 09. Had a pot of braised chicken.

Feels like home.

Wondering how it'll be like next year when I'm not gonna be staying with this group of people anymore. :(

I don't want to be separated from them...

yanz

PS: On a brighter note, I did have a good time with the city people. :) love u guys larr! ^^

reveling in an alternate world

2009-10-30T13:56:00.004+08:00

Reading Kazuo Ishiguro's Never Let Me Go.

Listening to Inch Chua's baybeats performance.

The sense of pathos I get from these two forms of art is incredibly comforting. They are both speaking to me on this peaceful spring afternoon. You know, one of those days in between your really busy days, when you have absolutely nothing to hurry for, nothing to complete. A lull in your days, when you can just sit back and think of nothing but what you want to think.

It's the kind of day when I would be preparing to go out to meet my friends in the evening for a cuppa at Cineleisure, and maybe a movie after.

Missing a lot of things.

love,
yanz

物の哀れはそんなに強い. sunt lacrimae rerum et mentem mortalia tangunt.

SS501 + Jam Hsiao = kawaii!!

2009-10-25T15:37:00.000+08:00

AHHH~

Me and Ching Yee just died watching this:

love,
yanz

You're Beautiful (미남이시네요)

2009-10-24T22:53:00.002+08:00

Watch out for a new drama people!

I super want to watch. Can't wait for someone to dl it. Might dl it myself goodness...

Love,
yanz

for the Lamia~

2009-10-22T12:23:00.002+08:00

Happy Birthday Sze Jia!!

This lovely picture is dedicated to you. Hope you had fun on your birthday! Purposely dedicate this page to you cuz I think u're like possibly the only one who reads my blog so who cares that this page is all about me talking to you directly anyway. Hehe.

Eh girl I probably performing some Korean song or something for my performing school when I get back to Singapore. When you coming? Can come visit me. :)

Love loads,
Alvaca (only u got permission 'kay)

nerdayyyy~

2009-10-20T00:49:00.005+08:00

NERD PARTAE!!!!

hahaha my alcohol tolerance has officially dropped like crazy. I only had half a UDL and half a jagerbomb shot. bah. and my skin is patchy already.

Ok, I concede. There wasn't many people. But it's the first time I've gone to a Uni night since the beginning of this year, so I really made the most of it. I had fun! And finally properly met friends that I've been saying hi to but never really talked to. This goes out to Chris and Kayla! And Alia and Jess L. were so shocked at my behaviour on the dance floor. WAHAHA!

Craving Nong Shim ramyun so badly now... Sze where are yoooo??!! My Nong Shim partna~. Haha Tim's bunking over tonight; I sure hope he doesn't puke! He should be fine though, he's a big boy.

And the poor dude... Feel like pinching his cheeks. Such a sweet person. I'm very sure he'll find someone who appreciates him tons too. Come on, being a journo immediately qualifies you as a cool person 'kay.

Gonna have to scour for food and get the highness down. Andrew sure come and help me one. hehe.

love,
yanz

up since 5am on monday

2009-10-19T07:39:00.003+08:00

Are we growing up too fast?

Watching Love Contract made me realise that although I understand all of the events that happened to each of the characters, I feel like I have never really been young and innocent. I've always known too much, kept too much to myself, and I don't think I'm alone in feeling that.

It's the people around you that gives you the best memories of your life. And I think that at any point, it's not about your age, but about your attitude that defines you.

That's why we all secretly dig dramas. They give us a sense of belonging in a time where we would usually have no business being in.

I do miss being young though. Haha. I wish I could find like minded people and be wild with everyone like last time. :)

love,
yanz

wei wei day

2009-10-18T18:48:00.002+08:00

Life without a working toilet flush SUCKS! let me tell you. Can you imagine the pain of not being able to do the big number in your own house?

Anyway, we were invited to Wei Wei's place today; all us radio people. The barbie was awesome; the food came out fantastic, it was just nice in terms of portion, we cooked first before sitting down to eat so everyone got to chat over lunch, and the neighbour's cat came over to visit! He was rubbing against my jeans (don't worry he's neutered).

Then we played pictionary! Woots hehehe. We are gooooddd man. It's amazing the telepathy that was happening in the room. In the living room when we were chatting in general we found that everyone likes to watch shows (DRAMAS = MY FAV!) and so we started discussing about it, while Andrew just decided to stone and let our conversation go past his head.

Haha then we started talking about dancing and yoga and Wei and Eric took out the Wii Fit. LOL. Ok today has just been a very weird but nice day.

love,
yanz

having backpain. bah.

2009-10-18T00:30:00.003+08:00

Went to watch The Final Destination today. Nearly died in the cinema. It was in 3D! I have to blame the whole FD session yesterday that got me agreeing to today's movie.

I guess the first time watching FD is always the best time. Going back a second time to watch it made me feel like it was a bit repetetive.

And now I'm up at 3.35am watching Love Contract (爱情合约), a taiwan drama about a group of friends who are involved in an extremely complicated love triange / hexagonal.

Went to have a trashing out talk with my housemate, especially 'cuz recently our house has been quite hostile. I couldn't stand the environment, so I spoke to people. Turns out there's a lot of sadness involved, and I think it'll take quite some time to change. But the person has resolved to change, and hopefully the person will be able to successfully do it soon. ^^

Was also telling my housemate about what Robert Carey told me. I once asked him, "Robert, is it always the best thing to tell the truth? A lot of wars were started cuz people starting abusing free speech to say whatever they wanted."

Robert looked at me and said this: "A lot of my Singapore TMC students wrote in the report that they don't believe having a bill of rights is a good thing. But if you just continue to build up walls around an issue, and not talk about it, one day it will just explode. Why not just say the issue out and find a solution?"

It may sound simplistic, but that's been the rule I've been trying to work with in life. I might be very straightfoward, and sometimes hurt people, but I believe that just by doing that my life is so much simpler and happy than so many others in the world.

So I am sorry for the times that I have lied. And sometimes there are things I wish I could take back and do it all over again. But I guess life is all about facing the consequences of your actions. I hope mine doesn't come back to haunt me. But I'm not holding out much hope.

Like the FD people say, "If it's meant to be, I'm ready to go."

love,
yanz

losing friends over love? not quite.

2009-10-17T00:29:00.009+08:00

I had the most eventful day today!

1) Gowning day! Pre graduation ceremony where we tried on our gowns and generally made big fools of ourselves for everyone to see. Took pictures every like five steps; this was like asian camwhore session heaven la! Went to Maccas too and ordered dressed in my gown and hat. Woohoo!

2) Gippsland FM! Did the radio show with Chi Chi (Ching Yee) and Wei Wei, along with two girls Xindi and jialat cannot remember the other girl's name. I did the panelling; and made fun of Chi Chi's Mandarin. hehe.

3) Barbie @ South Rec! Due to Dave and his farm / slaughterhouse, we got to try dear Will and Pomelo (nah the cows didn't have names) at the bbq. It was really good though; and we picked up a new friend we found playing emo songs on the piano in the rec hall. Then we started playing games! Chi Chi and I laugh until no voice already... Then we had to go watch Final Destination 2. OMG gory like sheet can. All the girls were cringing on the sofa. But it was pretty awesome.

4) Check my email / Facebook! Saw my lovely marathon certificate (woohoo!!). Saw that Jer uploaded our FREAKIN' AWESOME jump shots!

This week has been the love man. With the exception of my assignment of course. Get ready for Halloween and partying babehs!

Of course, the best part so far has been getting my bestie back. :) love you girl.

Love,
yanz

all hallow's ewe

2009-10-15T21:46:00.004+08:00

Went shopping for Halloween stuff with Nasr today!

Australia has the most awesome festive stuff (compared to SG, although the US is still the best place to get them). I bought gummys in the shape of a face, and they taste pretty freaking awesome. :)

Cute right! *grinz*

We also made Ching Yee and Josa try on the white wig that I've been passing around for everyone to try. Now I got awesome pictures of everyone and their embarrassing moments. hehe. Time to look for things to blackmail...

For the first time in my Monash life, I didn't hand in an assignment on time. I'm now officially one day late, and probably shouldn't be on the computer anyway now. Sigh. It's all quite stressful. But this topic is really very difficult... I'll get back to reading now to brush up my knowledge on it.

But I can't get over my excitement for Halloween!! ^^

Love,
yanz

realisation dawns

2009-10-14T02:42:00.001+08:00

Ohhh. So that was what those invites to activities outside mean. It was EFFORT from JESS! TA MA DEs take me so long to realise. Stoopid sial.

Okay next time I die die will go, no matter whether anyone else is going or not.

Gawd. I'm thick headed.

yanting

superficial

2009-10-14T02:16:00.003+08:00

Everyone needs support from time to time.

I guess I never really told anyone how insecure I was as a person about many aspects of myself. And I think now's a pretty good time to start reflecting out loud.

I spent the last hour analysing what has been making me sad while washing the dishes. (Dishwashing is absolutely therapeutic by the way.)

I've been feel emotional ever since Jeremy came to Melbourne, and especially so after he left. No, it's not because I miss him. It's more like I miss the times when we used to have before. This trip made me realise how lacking the support network was between all three of us.

I'm glad I can still talk to Jeremy, and we do discuss quite a bit. And I know Jess discusses a lot with him too. But I can't explain why Jess and I don't look to each other instinctively when we need to talk. Maybe it's because we each have our own boyfriends to talk to? Maybe it's because we think we have our own people to talk to.

At least on my part, I just don't want to butt my head in where I don't belong. And it's the vibe I've been getting from Jess; that she doesn't want me around. I KNOW of course, with her character, that she doesn't NOT want me around. But I don't exactly know why that's the kind of feeling I'm getting, and the only one who can give me an explanation is her. I think maybe there's a lack of effort input from the both of us to each other.

On my part, I do wish that it'll be Jess who takes the first step. I guess you could say that I've grown more prideful. My inner child wants to stamp my feet and say, "But I've been giving in to her every time this happens!" I am probably wrong of course (somewhere it didn't register that she's been initiating stuff), but it doesn't change the fact that this is what I've been feeling for a long time.

Isn't being a friend supposed to be natural and easy? Does this mean that we are just not suited to be friends?

I haven't been referring to Jess as my best friend anymore, since we left House 27 (especially when we 'moved' to house 15). She found her niche, and it left me with no choice but to find my own niche. And it's been that way ever since.

I can't bring myself to do it. I can't bring myself to integrate myself into her world, and I don't expect her to come to mine. But I do miss when the Power of Three (in Jer's words) supported all of us instead of this power imbalance. But I won't shortchange myself; I can't have it any other way.

So I guess we will just have to wait it out. If it's not meant to be, it's not meant to be.

yanting

- I don't want branded goods and expensive jewellery. just a card, a simple present, shows me exactly how much you understand me. and it says a lot when until now the card is still blank. -

你们真的让我受够了。

2009-10-12T16:17:00.003+08:00

Hate the house. URGH.

God I wish I could move out. I can't step a foot into the kitchen without scurrying back to wear my slippers over my bare feet. I can't walk into the toilet without seeing dubious red stuff on the floor. I can't wash my hands at the sink without touching greasy slimy stuff on the tap.

I'm at the end of my tether. And I'm not the only one.

Can't you guys learn to keep the place clean!!!???!!! One whole semester I've been trying to be patient; God knows I don't wanna lose my temper everytime I ask something and hear replies like, "I don't know. It wasn't me."

If I 他妈的 scrubbed the whole place upside down for the last few months everytime I see disgusting stuff over MY plates, MY cups, MY FUCKING SPOON THAT'S BEEN MICROWAVED BY SOME IDIOT AND WENT OUT OF SHAPE, and I had to scrub the toilet bowl seat that has got pee on it. If I can do this, you bloody hell can do it too when I wasn't even at home the whole week.

At least have the decency to not leave my Tigger cup (my FAVOURITE TIGGER CUP that I placed in my own shelf) half full of water that you didn't pour away and placed back in the same shelf as though you didn't touch it.

And if it wasn't you, then it was probably one of your fucking friends that you brought home to stay with you or crash for fun. I don't object to you having fun, but please clean up your own shit and don't leave it to us to clean. Especially if you using our stuff. Don't let me find out. Or I will make your life hell.

Melbourne marathon 2009

2009-10-11T21:40:00.005+08:00

The Melbourne marathon today was absolutely awesome!!!

We were there following the crowds of ppl to the MCG at 6.50am, and u could see ppl warming up and some were already joggin around. The atmosphere was super contagious for someone like me. :) we made our way to the media tent to put our stuff down and ching yee was briefing andrew like a true blue journo. :)

The 10km coffee club run was sold out. We went past domain road, then routed to several places I've never seen before. Along the way there were the Team Monash cheerleaders, and they really cheered everytime they saw the shirts we were wearing, (despite not recognizing the gippsland ppl hehe). And lo and behold, we saw Flinders station in sight.

As I was rounding the underground tunnel near the MCG, the crowd running around me were also starting to pick up pace. Someone ran from behind me on my right and I moved to the left to give them room to cross. I ended up going too close to the fence and tripped over the legs of the fence, sprawling face down on the gravel. Ching yee came over to see if I was alright, and from behind I could hear an elderly lady urging, "get up! Don't give up, get up and run!"

I was kinda shocked awake and my body just instinctively did what she told me to do, even though my initial instinct was to slowly pick myself up and dust myself off. Instead I just got up and ran just as if nthing happened at all. I could see that ching yee was really shocked though, but she said nothing else after I assured her I was fine. It wasn't until I reached the finish line that I found out from ching yee my face had a graze.

Lol it was definitely a memorable run though, and I'm really happy that our training efforts paid off. Good job ching yee!! ^^

PS: thanks to alex too. U noe why.

First day in Sydney!

2009-09-26T18:58:00.005+08:00

~In Sydney now!!~ ^.^

Our flight encountered the dust storm this morning just when we arrived in the Sydney airspace! The plane was rocking like the Royal Melbourne Show's Crazy Coaster, and the window outside showed nothing but shades of pink and red. I'd officially at that time not gone for proper sleep for more than 48 hours, and coupled with the seasickness, the dust storm just felt like the icing on top of the cake.

When we landed, you could tell everyone of us was quite chui (like the walking dead). We all had the sinus problem thing coming along, and the cab driver rolled down the windows because using the ventilation would have had the same effect as sucking all the dust in. When we arrived at the Travelodge hotel, the concierge told us that there would be no rooms available until 2pm, which was 6 hours away. So we left our luggage and plodded our way to the fish market for the promise of good sashimi and seafood (thanks to Jacky).

The dust had slightly cleared by that time, and you could see life starting to appear at around 8am when everyone began to head to work. The first thing we noticed was that there were hardly any tram lines around. The buildings all had a brown-based colour scheme, and the place just seemed like an unknown part of Melbourne that we hadn't explored yet. The architecture was quite different though; they had quite a lot of old buildings that'd been preserved just like Melbourne, but it had a less artsy feeling to it and more of a Macau feel. (Jacky said Sydney had a lot of Hong Kong people, and that was kinda something we observed along the way throughout the morning.)

All the trams had a conductor from whom we had to buy the tickets from, and I think each ticket is only valid for a to and fro, unless we get the daily(s). So obviously no fare evasion problems there. Except the poor conductor kept falling asleep in between stops cuz he obviously does it for every day of his life and it's the most boring job you can imagine... Coupled with the dusty and sunny morning, it was sleep-inducing.

The fish market was the bomb!! Oh my gosh, looking at the fresh seafood immediately got us wide awake and craving. We ordered tuna and salmon, sea urchin, and eel. And the boys sprung another surprise on us by buying oysters in potato and kilpatricks! The oysters are pretty huge... It was the most awesome breakfast I had in a long time, and reminded me of the Perth trip where Dad and I had those lovely mussels.

Then we headed to Market City, which had a lot of different stuff for sale. Reminded me of Far East in Singapore; reminded Andrew of Thailand's Chatuchak, and reminded Jacky of Hong Kong's Lui Yan Gai (Ladies Market). Dru was especially attracted by all the iphone covers they had on sale there, which he could of course easily get off ebay for a low price anyway. But the shopping there was really not bad, but the prices are generally the same as when you go to Far East, not say particularly cheap.

So now that we're almost dying from a lack of bath and sleep, we headed to Gloria Jeans to rest our weary feet. There, I fell asleep and knocked out for an hour or two, while the rest just sat around and waited by playing games and stuff. I have no idea what happened of course. We finally got to the hotel at 1pm and saw the long queue of people there waiting to check in. The lady recognised us hehe. Unfortunately, they informed us that the rooms we booked were not available because we booked on a third party website and the rooms were all booked out for the rest of the week. But at that point we were pretty much ok with even a sofa bed, as long as we can shower and sleep.

So it's night time now, and I'm praying that I have get out and have dinner soon instead of blogging to while the time away. I'm Hungrishhh. But at least I feel so much cleaner and rested. :)

love,
yanz

PS: I saw quite a number of openly homosexual people when we were walking around, which got me really anticipating the Mardi Gras trip next year!

I bit my mouth Again. :(

2009-09-24T20:40:00.003+08:00

今すごく緊張します。あした会える人だから緊張します。

Sleepy la. Everytime try to do essay become sleepy. Whyyyyy...

Ok back to do work now. Jacky stop looking over my shoulder la.

Love,
yanz

PS: Thanks to Jacky and Jocelina for the sugarcane drink. and the t-bone. :)

of donuts and buffs

2009-09-23T01:18:00.003+08:00

Currently listening to Masayoshi Yamazaki's "One more time, One more chance".

Just finished uploading my whole bunch of pictures and videos on Facebook. Was talking to dru about our families back in SG.

Went online and spoke to a lot of sg people. I miss. Really miss.

Don't know what I'm doing. Just floundering along, waiting for something to come and decide my life for me. Sigh.

I don't like it, to have to miss out on any single person in my life. Every one of them means a lot to me; to be able to laugh with them, to be able to do stuff together, to be able to have fun together, to share our troubles together. Some people may think that I'm too busy to have time for them, while others just forget me with time. But what they really don't know is that I miss every single one of them, and if I had any choice in the matter I'd make sure that I'm able to spend time with everyone. And have more good times together.

I wish I can import my friends over to Australia like I import stuff from my blogs onto Facebook.

At least for now I am importing one of my wishes; Jeremy Ho Jia Jun. He's probably the best birthday present I'm going to get this year. The three of us all miss each other.

So Sydney's going to be fun (fingers crossed), and Oct is going to be fun too (fingers triple crossed).

Let me just emo for the next few days then.

yanz

netsu ga aru noni, ippai shigoto mo aru yo

2009-09-12T04:12:00.003+08:00

You spin my head right round right round....

Forgive any typos today; I'm having a massive headache due to my fever. My entire face feels flushed.

I think jogging in the sun was probably a bad idea. Spring feels like summer already! I think I'm not gonna survive very well in Singapore when I get back home.

Today was exceptionally sunny, and it was really beautiful, so I thought I'd go for a quick jog around the Matthison Park area before heading down to the radio station.

But I got lost and took a bit of time to get back to Rez to shower, so I went in the bathroom almost immediately after I stopped running.

I think the heat from the sun + Shower immediately after = Fever.

Hopefully I'll get better soon, cuz this is an entirely obscene time to fall sick. Assignments don't finish themselves you know.

Blah.

No time to watch movies also! Sian. :(

Love,
yanz (dying)

(On a second note):
I wish I was going to the Korea trip with the CJSOPA ppl... Sigh.

monster maniacs!

2009-09-10T05:11:00.004+08:00

Mahna Mahna. Doodoo doo doo doo. Mahna Mahna. Doodoo Doo Doo.

But this one is my favourite Monster! -->

Mahna mahna,
yanz

sex on fire

2009-08-31T21:06:00.004+08:00

I'm loving this.

Yeah... We're the Greatest!

Love the UK accent; snd loving that Simon's mellowed so much. :)

blog stalker desu~

2009-08-28T01:17:00.004+08:00

Ah. Just stalked a couple of blogs today.

Amazing how you can observe the dynamics between groups of friends and how they tend to blog about the same issues and stuff at the same time.

Although I am far away, reading them makes me feel like I'm not that far after all. (phew) Although I'm not sure if I'm supposed to maintain this far-ness simply because I am hindered by physical distance, and should know my place in the pecking order. *gives crayon shinchan look*

Shoutout to all: Please know that I love you all from the bottom of my teeny weeny heart and that I miss you guys loads and that you guys are awesomely emo in your respective blogs in one way or another and THAT is freakin' cute! (but please take care cuz i'm not looking forward to visiting anyone in hospital for having an overdose of emo-ness.)

::: On another note :::

Ichiro was blushing like crazy! haha in velda's words, "yabei! obama da!".

Random thought - I wanna watch Chicago. *dum dum dum*

come on babe, why don't we paint the town?

alva: cuz i got no moneh.

lol! & love,
yanz

^^

2009-08-27T17:51:00.006+08:00

Future's looking a little bit brighter.

Moved a step forward.

Hopefully I'll get there soon.

love,
yanz

PS: Forever21 new graphic tees!!

www.forever21.com/category.asp?catalog_name=FOREVER21&category_name=promo_graphic_all&Page=1&cookie%5Ftest=1

-off for today-

ni wa wa

2009-08-26T23:53:00.002+08:00

Wah lao thanks to nasr girl I heard this song again...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aZR58pUp6eM&feature=related

Sigh if you didn't have a cheena childhood like mine don't bother watching it lol.

Ok, it's about time I got off the internet and started on my work.

Time is rushing headlong into my face and I think I'm going to get blown away.

I miss being able to just sit around and play. :(

Love,
yanz

mou sugu nemasu yo!

2009-08-25T02:47:00.006+08:00

I can't fall asleep!!

Been waking up at 6pm everyday and sleeping at 6am.... Donno how I'm gonna adjust it back!

Yappari nihon ni ikitai. Nihongo mo shabeteru hoshi. Tsurai kamo shirai nai kedo, yume no tame ganbarimasu, kana.

Amai koi mo hoshi. Dou kana. Hidoi ko deshou... Nanka ima koi no kanji chotto...

Watching too many dramas are bad for health! Head my warning!

love,
yanz

*Note: OMG i meant heed my warning. what's wrong with my engrish? hehe*

Sunday morning

2009-08-23T04:05:00.004+08:00

Slept till 1.30am today. Dreamt of Sadako from the Ring trying to get into my room from behind a curtain, and I was running from one end of the curtain to another end to stop her from getting past. Woke up to decide I wouldn't go back to sleep if I would be dreaming about this kind of silly stuff.

So here I am, awake at 6.06am. Spent the last few hours renaming and rearranging my music collection. Slowly but surely deleting repeated songs; transfering from folder to folder, and changing all the titles to include the artist's name in front - the title. Listening to every single one for a short while to decide if it was worth keeping / trashable.

Now feeling damn chillout cuz the last genre I listened to was very acoustic, and cuz the birds are chirping. Ahh... The smell of fresh morning air.

All that's left to do is to wait for the rest of the house to wake up...

gaaaaa~...

2009-08-15T02:02:00.002+08:00

Wah lau. Cannot take it anymore.

Stop jumping on her and going, "Ahaaa!! I'm here Lou Po!" ALREADY!!!

The walls are gonna end up broken like your bed la.

-Creak creak- is a thing of the past now.

Now the 'In' thing is, "Aiya. Careful don't hit the shower door."

One day I gonna call security for noise complaint then you know.

Hehe.

~

Went on Wei Wei's Mandarin radio program on Gippsland FM today, with Ching Yee and Kevin.

So interesting!! Her music is pretty awesome man. And I have managed to establish that my ability to read Chinese characters have just about dropped to Primary 6 level.

Beginning to die at the thought of having to present with Ching Yee for next week's show. AHHH!!!

Also managed to complete our drama marathon of Boys Over Flowers (korean) and Mr. Brain (japanese) today. *phew*

This regular practice of coming over to watch shows is almost similar to how we are managing to regularly jog for our Marathon training. Doing it slowly, but surely gaining ground.

Will anyone be willing to sponsor some money for us if we managed to run to Morwell??

*fingers crossed*,
yanz

[Torchwood looks promising]

2009-08-13T02:31:00.002+08:00

"The birds are out again."

It's that time of the day; the signs of life stirring even though the sky still shows the illusion that it is night.

Dawn is approaching, yet no one realizes it sneaking up. None, except those who wait patiently for it to announce it's arrival by the increasing frequency and volume of birds making their wakeup warbles.

Why am I still up?, you might ask.

I'm battling to hold on to the portion of bed allocated to me.

I'm being kicked out of bed. Dammit.

Rillow, rolster and rankie Status: Stolen.

Once dawn breaks, someone is gonna get a hurt real bad. And that someone ain't me.

Heh heh. *evil laugh* I'm looking forward to daybreak.

Mentee dinner Day

2009-08-05T21:09:00.002+08:00

We organised a dinner for all our mentees tonight! We = Alva Andrew Ana Ching Yee + 15 mentees.

Considering how the bunch of us haven't been exactly party-goers for months now, I think we had a pretty awesome party... ^^

And meeting Ben (the Hindi-speaking Bengoli-understanding Malay-boleh and Chinese-wo hui Australian) was an added bonus. Hahaha...

Yep. It was fun.

I'll try to post up pictures soon.

scared to visit the loo now.

2009-08-03T20:55:00.004+08:00

haha. i completely lay the blame of blogging regularly now at the doorstep of karina and sze jia.

i thought i was too old to come up with emo-blog-worthy-material to fill up these pages.

bah.

Listening to the rapid Canto in my living room, comparing how smelly each of their toilet habits leave lingering behind, isn't exactly very soothing to the soul.

hahahaha but they make me damn amused!

I bought a new notebook, ready to begin my compilation of contacts, just like every good little budding journo should. Be proud of me, Nicole Robert and Colm!

*prays my lecturers don't ever visit my blog*

통

2009-08-02T23:57:00.007+08:00

200 pounds beauty is a really good show to watch... Just enough drama to keep it interesting, yet it's as real as it gets.

TMD. I cried all over again at the ending.

Having yourself judged for what you look like, to the point where you can't live life, is the worst possible type of evil for a heart to die by.

Letting anything else besides looks carry your emotions for you is happiness defined. :)

That's why so many people sing in the shower I guess? ^^

I'm glad I have my glasses to hide behind.

love,
yanz

- song of the moment: Kim Ah Joong's Byul -

Update: Sze just did something very awesome in her sleep!! Haha I won't reveal it here; shall only demo if asked. Heh!

creak creak

2009-08-01T03:07:00.004+08:00

Quote of the Day:

If Alex has a dream of Sze Jia, and it was raining in the dream, is that a wet dream?

2nd quote of the day:

Sze: Where is my clutch?
Andrew: Crutch??
Alva: *laughs out loud cuz she heard crotch*

Se7en's 2nd year anniversary celebration was awesome fun! Too much jagerbombs and red bull is keeping us awake even at 5.15am now.

Sze: Red bull gives you wings!
Andrew: So does Kotex.

OMG dunno we high what shit...

UPDATE -
Sze: You guys are like drunken bowling...
Andrew and Alva: !!! U mean blogging right.
Sze: LOL!

- I miss having a warm cup milk at night before sleep, all over again -

Love,
yanz

蔡依琳 - 你還愛我嗎

2009-07-31T00:33:00.004+08:00

The tune is beautiful... :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zqKYi88Uqdg

夜里传来雨的声音轻轻拨动心的旋律
情不自禁想起你那些甜蜜的回忆
总是不小心就淋湿了我的眼睛

爱情需要一些呼吸偶尔保持一点距离
回到朋友的关系任你自由的来去
从此想念你只能放在我心里

你还爱我吗一直好想问你这句话
却又怕听到你真实的回答
你还爱我吗为何你总是不说话
眼看我为爱不爱挣扎
你爱我吗

好久没有你的消息心里还惦记着你
在这冷冷的夜里感觉那么的熟悉
好想再见你想听听你的声音

你还爱我吗一直好想问你这句话
却又怕听到你真实的回答
你还爱我吗为何你总是不说话
眼看我为爱不爱挣扎
你爱我吗

感情的路总让人好无助我会学着面对独处
给深爱的你祝福

你还爱我吗一直好想问你这句话
却又怕听到你真实的回答
你还爱我吗这是我唯一的牵挂
不管你会有什么回答
我会一直等你你还爱我吗

oopsie daesie!

2009-07-28T01:00:00.003+08:00

I admit.

I have been a stalker.

Here's the fruit of my labour.

http://www.monash.edu.my/advancement/news/Newsline/2009/Jan31IntercampusExchange.html

HEHE.

love,
yanz

Wise advice from countless weekends in the city.

2009-07-27T23:30:00.011+08:00

~ This is a shoutout to all my friends who kennot read Japanese and Chinese. ~

Hehe but every one of those people would know what I have been up to these days.

This weekend we didn't really do much you know... Just the usual; minus clubbing, minus cue city...

One thing I learnt from these new friends that I've made; soccernet is not a word to be taken lightly. It's importance is tantamount to Facebook.

I've learnt that Shawshank Redemption is a FREAKIN'!! awesome movie; that the Keyword to unlock Sze's heart starts with the alphabet "P", people can actually laugh during horror flicks, and 'creak creak creak' is a very. very. bad sound to hear.

I've learnt that friends are the most important commodity (especially when family cannot be physically there), and sometimes the truth hurts but you just have to grit your teeth through it.

I miss the times with the peeps in Sg when we could all just sit around a table and talk about absolutely nothing of importance and have nothing on our minds except for what time we were going to stop talking and actually go to bed.

Btw. We had hail in Gippsland!! :) *prays for snow*

Anyway, here are pictorial updates on my recent weekend:

Friday -

Saturday - (of missed movies)

Sunday -
*inserts scary photo*

Monday -

Funny how my life seems to be dictated by the food I ate.

Hmm.

If only life is that simple eh?

phone call with mum

2009-07-01T15:25:00.002+08:00

一言难尽。

只能成天愣在这儿发呆，看着秒针一点一滴地把生命夺走。有时候能说服自己这儿是一种天堂，但每个人都知道：这不是我们所想要一辈子呆的地方。有时还真搞不清楚到底这一切是否如电影一般，一群蒙上眼的傻子不间断的说服彼此现在所呆的地方并没有什么不好。但一旦离开，这儿又变成一种欲望。到底是家还是牢，我实在没法给个合理的答复。

やっぱり、友達いない所嫌いなんです。

憂い事いっぱいある、でも誰でも話せません。よく聞いてる人ぜんぜんありません。

I'm losing myself now. I still don't know where home is, and I don't know who I am anymore either. Am I shaped by the people around me, or is it the other way around? Do others determine who I am?

Love,
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